He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
