I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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