I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I need water and some morals
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