remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize