yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
