You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
