remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
