It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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