You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
