I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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