My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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