I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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