Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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