Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
