addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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