just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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