"it" just moved
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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