home. puking in laundry basket.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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