I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
