oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
