I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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