I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
