Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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