I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
