Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
