Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
