Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
