I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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