the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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