Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
