We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
