he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You've changed since you got that strap on
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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