when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
