if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
