I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
