But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
