I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
