when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
