It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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