Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
