does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
