i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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