You can't motorboat a personality
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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