If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
