Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
