Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
