you have to choose: penises or morals?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
