I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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