come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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