The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
