my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
