so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's just like the Real World with babies
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
