It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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