yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
