You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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