everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
