I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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