mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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