Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
