Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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