do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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