Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
