I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
