some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
