I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
